Dear Journal,
The purpose of journalling is to be completely honest with yourself and face yourself squarely. I must take a look at my posts on Facebook and promptly delete them, because boys don't ask me out anymore after I add them on Facebook; the last burnout was a social media shame.
I must have become a lunatic having been brought up surrounded by a toxic dose of negativity and selfishness. Ma, though sometimes surprisingly selfish in her decisions has changed a lot as she reads Nichiren Buddhist books. Mashi is at another level -- she hates her sister in law, criticises her in laws. Like Pa asked me once I would like to ask Mashi: "Who do you think you are?" She is bringing up two uber selfish and rude girls, and she is constantly criticising her in laws. I'm not surprised because I grew up listening to Ma criticising everyone.
What does it take to turn hate into love? I'd love to know the secret answer. I can guess that it's not easy, because love is effort. Nothing less, nothing more. When it comes to defining love I'm not a helpless romantic; in my unhealthy imaginations/hallucinations of the past I have been.
Pa says he hates Ajisha. What a strong word-- hate! He is my friend and I don't like that word being associated with him, even though Ajisha always has his eyes on my home and wallet.
I would love to find that elixir that turns hate into love and constantly use it on myself. I don't want to hate anyone. No one. Time is all we have, space is all we are, and love is all that flows through us.
I hope Pa recovers and my biggest hope is that my parents and brother cross the age of 100. Even though they don't take me seriously. I hope to see Pa back on the tennis court next year.
I hope to date someone spectacular. With effort. That's where I lose the men.
Regards,
Me.
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