Dear Journal,
I've been trying to meditate and the crows are flailing about and cawing so. The mynas are irate. Something must have surely happened in the world of the feathered. It's a reflection of what my morning has been so far.
I woke up to a screaming irritated mother, who has been trying to prove that I'm more irritable than her ever since. She is going late to work today, oweing to sleeping late watching movies with injured Pa. I also shouted back, which is normal in my family-- for people to scream at each other. I wish I'd been taught some other normal. I wish the birds would stop creating such a noise and let me take in a few deep breaths.
Whatever it is I know as surely as the sun rises in the East that I love my family deeply. With all our flaws we are a solid unit.
Last night I came home at 12.15 am, after Ma called me once. I don't know what kind of impression I left on PD, but I know that I'm far from falling in love with anybody. And I'm not the kind to sleep around, even though that's today's norm. When people say, and I know they believe it, that sex is a need, I just don't get it.
How is it a need? It's not a need for me. Love is, definitely. Ma shouts when I kiss her. Why does she shout? Does she want no love? Or what kind of love does she want? Why does she always jump the gun? Why is Pa so suspicious of me? Why are my parents so conservative?
So many dissatisfactions. Ooh la la!
Why does Ma scream so? She must be deeply dissatisfied with people in her life. She is so unscientific, and far removed from reality. Rather, she is unaware of many things and not willing to learn. That's just my perception of my darling screaming Mom. There is so much to learn in the world and so little we know.
Regards,
Me.
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