Journal 18.7.22 10.06 pm

Dear Journal, 
So Koena came to visit us with Chumkimashi this May. She has grown up to be highly disagreeable. 
The only time I saw her happy was when we were at expensive restaurants, eating Gourmet food. I'm sure Mesho has done very well. But the only thing that seems to keep them happy is money. Mashi said Eshna didn't come because she said she would come only if put up in an expensive hotel. 
Koena sat cooped up in Buro's room all day long with her tab. If you went near her she snapped. If you said something she didn't like she snapped. 
Sometimes I've felt jealous seeing how easy it is for Eshna and Koena to get things from their parents. They demand, they get it. My father has never taken us on an international vacation, drowning all his savings in a failed business for which he never took counsel. 
Not that he had a happy home life to rely on with Ma always crying and screaming. She's still the same. Chanting doesn't help. 
My father said he didn't let me study in India's number one college because he couldn't afford it. He's never really spent that much on us. Never bought us anything expensive. 
We may have this fancy house in Mumbai, but my father is poor. He's often called himself that much to our chagrin.
I hope Buro is saving up. It's impossible to advise him because he doesn't want to listen. Of course he is living beyond his means because he borrowed a huge amount from me this month. I really hope he starts saving. Despite everything I love my brother the most. I love selflessly. That's one value Ma has taught us -- the value of unconditional love. That we have got enough of. But is all love manipulative? 
Pa would have never behaved so well with me if I wasn't giving money to him every month. 
Obama once came to me in a vision, saying: "It's all about the money honey."
I hope to have loads and loads of it. 
And I hope to God my family enjoys my riches. 
I wish I could get Astrology out of my head. 
I am grateful for my family. 
I am grateful for my job. 
I am grateful for Ma's gift of my Macbook Pro. 
I'm grateful for food. 
I'm grateful for my good health. 
I am grateful for all the love I'm surrounded with. 
I'm grateful for my friends. 
I'm grateful for my bed. 
I'm grateful for a good night's sleep. 
I'm grateful for my future. 
I'm grateful for my life. 
 I'm grateful for money. 
I'm grateful for my teachers. 
I'm grateful for love that is sustenance. 
I am grateful for Buro. 
Love, 
Me. 

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