Dear Journal,
I must have shouted for two-three hours. It does feel good to let off some steam and say all that is on your mind. But angry words are not a good way. May be I should take up exercise for half an hour at least. Actually, I should. It will also help me shed weight.
Hopelessness, anger, unhappiness are not wholesome or beneficial. I have seen people around me take detrimental decisions under such sadness. Ma beat us up. Buro beat me up. Pa fell under the influence of a tantrik. Mashi became selfish with no turning back. And I, I just got into drugs, alcohol, boys with no hope for the future and suicidal thoughts.
If there's anything I took back from sgi, it was that goals are important. It gives you something to dream about and look forward to, propelling you onward.
What I mean to say is that I must find a way to forgive and resolve my anger. I have successfully forgiven my childhood abuser over a period of ten years. Forgiveness is possible. That is why that memory doesn't torment me anymore. Forgiveness is healing and crucial. The only way to live a wholesome life is through love. Endurance is also crucial. Tolerance, patience, consistency, integrity-- all great to uphold as values along with the love of Truth.
What spurted all this anger? Watching movies that hit home and enlivened the past. A doctor would say don't watch such movies. I feel -- Forgive, forgive everybody and be tolerant. Accept reality. Life is all there is. I believe this to be the Truth. I have no proof but it makes sense to me. So honour each life. Love fully. Because love is love and life is life. Love is life.
I am grateful for Ma and Pa.
I'm grateful for Buro.
I'm grateful for my job.
I'm grateful for the little wisdom I have.
I'm grateful for my brains.
I'm grateful for movies.
I'm grateful for books.
I'm grateful for my home.
I'm grateful for food.
I'm grateful for money.
I'm grateful for love.
I'm grateful for brilliant life.
I'm grateful for the Universe.
Nothing is as you would imagine it, and yet it is.
Love,
Me.
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