Dear Journal,
The age old cliche "When you point a finger at someone, four fingers point back at you," is not a cliche. It's the very naked truth.
Buro came home some time ago, and I was enjoying a cigarette in my room. Then, I hear loud shouting. Buro, with finger in the air and all pink in the face, furious with Pa for not listening to him. Now, my sympathies were with both.
With Buro because Pa indeed does not listen to anyone and for Pa because with his fracture he is handicapped and needs Buro (since as he said while Buro was shouting: "Doel is no help").
At the end of it all I tried to placate Chotts. I'm worried about him. My biggest wish for my family is that they live a full long happy life. I don't want my little brother to ever regret anything.
The mistakes we accuse people of committing, we commit ourselves, but it's difficult to see that. A man can look up at the skies and ponder the universe, but it's difficult for him to gaze upon his own eyelashes. And classic Nietzche: "When you gaze long enough into the abyss, the abyss gazes back into you." We become what we come to become.
I love each member of my family deeply, and I see faults in them.
When I was small Ma often when angry sneered and called me "ugly and cockeyed". Now, I've accused her a lot for scarring me with her words when I was but a little girl. Ma has never shown the strength of understanding or acceptance that one associates with Motherhood. When we were small, she was plain frictioning with Motherhood, and that trait is deeply embedded in her. Even today, she can't accept any perceived fault in me. She is rarely loving, always busy with her own thing. She doesn't have time to listen or converse.
If we don't correct our mistakes, they become habits.
I hope to, through this journal, heal, forgive and become a better person. I hope to learn from mistakes and change in a way that will serve all humanity.
I dedicate my life to humanity.
I am grateful for everything.
Love,
Me.
Comments
Post a Comment