Dear Journal,
Well, a few days after my last meeting with Farzan I realised he had blocked me on WhatsApp. Today, randomly I wanted to check his page because of no update from him on my timeline. He's unfriended me! I wish I could add the amazed eyes smiley now. 😶 (This should do). Anyway, so never will we speak again. That's it my friend.
I finished watching Shutter Island today, then I watched some Manifest (which I won't anymore: boring show) and then I watched The Ugly Truth (a very stupid film with bad writing and a silly storyline).
Shutter Island was cathartic to watch. Leonardo di Caprio was as always stupendous. It reminded me of my own experiences with insanity and the trauma that it has caused me. I would've never guessed the ending of the movie. A big surprise and a cherry on the cake.
Today, I realised that because of my experience over the last few years I've probably really lost my confidence. That's why I'm not adventurous anymore. I'm afraid to succeed. Especially all that lashing out on social media, hallucinating, suffering. I should overcome my fear with courage and love.
I thought of Buro all day long. He was all the time on my mind. After work, as I lay down I had a mild vision of us from another time when he may have been my son. Well, I was just imagining it of course, but these experiences are like a brief flash, like when you know you have a momentary awakening of some deep truth.
When I prayed today for a brief bit I prayed for my little brother. I love him so. I never ever want him to suffer-- may he enjoy all the happiness, satisfaction and contentment in life in great confidence, dazzling everyone. I love him the most.
I am grateful for my job.
I'm grateful for my salary that got credited yesterday.
I'm grateful that I can contribute towards the house.
I'm grateful for Ma, Baba, Buro, Dadu, Dimma, Dadu, Thama and all my ancestors.
I'm grateful that my heart is filled with love, goodness and goodwill.
I'm grateful for all those who serve us in any manner.
I'm grateful to be able to serve.
I'm grateful to write.
I'm grateful that my Fb blog got 70 likes.
I'm grateful that I aspire.
I'm grateful for all the good fortune that awaits me in the future.
I'm grateful for sleeping well each night.
I'm grateful for the August Rains.
I'm grateful for all the food I eat.
I am grateful for Pa's recovery.
I'm grateful for all the Universe with its myriad marvels.
I'm grateful to love and feel love.
I'm grateful for you O Journal!
Love,
Me.
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